the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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