I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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