Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
