okay pat passed out under dana's car
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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