bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
