I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
