Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
