But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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