It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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