My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
