My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
