You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
