Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
