i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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