Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
