Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
where am i from again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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