Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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