mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
