Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
