You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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