i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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