Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I could fuck to npr.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
