He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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