Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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