Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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