I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
