she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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