I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
