Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
