just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
