woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
