he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the condom got lost in my hair
she smelled like a LAN party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am one with the molecules
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
