I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize