So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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