Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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