did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
