I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
tell me about the fingering
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