The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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