Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
