Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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