what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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