Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
