Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
