I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
