wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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