Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
