You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found puke in my bra..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
