I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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