just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
