I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
