Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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