Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
