fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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