high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
