i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
