he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
