I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
