I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
