They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
