My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
