last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's like iHOP with fire
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
