Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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