I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
