i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
