Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
