Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
